10 things no one tells you about the way cheaters think, according to psychologists:
1. They Might Fear Conflict
A cheater might turn to unfaithfulness since they are terrified of getting into a quarrel over something that has been troubling them. Cheating, then, is an outlet for these frustrations without having to address them in a way that might be intense.
“People cheat often out of fear of facing conflict,” Dr. Klapow says. “They know there are problems in the relationship. They have dabbled with addressing them. They don’t see a change, but they don’t know how to dive in deep with their partner to address conflicts in the relationship. Cheating allows them to escape.” This aspect can help explain why they would do something seemingly outside of the best interest of the relationship.
2. They Might Fear Confrontation
When someone cheats, there’s a pretty good chance they’ve got issues they’re dealing with, but are using cheating as an outlet instead of confronting a more serious issue in the relationship.
“People also cheat out of [anger and] avoidance,” Dr. Klapow says. “They are frustrated in their relationship. They feel like their partner doesn’t care, doesn’t listen, doesn’t support them […] In an act of defiance but also avoidance of the problem at hand — the person cheats. So instead of directly confronting the problem they avoid it and act out by cheating.” This does not excuse cheating, but can provide insight into the kind of personalities most inclined towards cheating.